it's somewhat amazing that life can feel so different and yet the same all in the same moment.
Things are changing yet they never seem to change until the moment your wake up and it begins to dawn on you....how in the world did i get here....wait, where is here?
That's how I feel somedays. Here in good ole Bemidji nothing ever seems to change yet daily things are evolving and bringing new struggles, victories, and wonderful memories. How in the world do you take it all in?
Grant has been in classes for a month now, and it has gotten a lot better. It was really hard at first realizing he was getting to be a part of something I wasn't. It was this insanely lonely feeling and I cried. Surprise :) Im pretty much over that now that i see his massive box of Hebrew vocabulary cards, and books I can't even pronounce littering our tiny coffee table, and not to mention the cup after cup of coffee slowly replacing his flow of blood with a caffeine pumping insomnia. He's loving it. The Lord has already been working in his heart this year and I love hearing his new discoveries as our Daddy reveals something new to him. It's rather insightful being in love with a college hunny!
Other than my eventful run in with the ER nothing new seems to be changing for me. Thus my entry for the day. Have you ever wanted something so much and it seems it's always out of your grasp. I mean really, that one tiny thing that no matter how hard you push just keeps skipping that centimeter to far. Sometimes I feel that way. My best friend moved to Hungary for a year, and i must admit i was highly jealous, not in a bad way more of an Im-so-excited-our-Daddy-is-doing-something-so-incredible-in-your-life way. And than i began thinking....what is the Lord doing in my life?
Do you ever really stop to think that....I mean mostly we just sit around on a daily basis riding the roller coaster of life with all its ups and downs and im gonna throw up moments and never stop to see the hand and heart of our Savior.
I dont ever want to be that way..... something that has been so exciting lately has been my daily time with the Lord. If you know me at all you know what a struggle it is to be in the word daily...lame i know but it's tough. I have such good intentions and then before i know it, it's midnight and i can't even keep my eyes open. A baby step for me but it feels like leaps!
Oh and another thing....Fall is coming. A plus of living up north for the time being is I get FALL!! Changing leaves, cooler weather (not im gonna die cold yet), and the smell of everything beginning to change. It has to be the most amazing thing ever stepping outside on our balcony and just looking around and seeing all that our Heavenly Father has created, and realizing that He knitted together every aspect, every tiny detail. It's an overwhelming thing.
The Lord is daily providing for us....we were finally able to pay off my Word of Life bill! I know it has been forever but we did it! Praise the Lord for His provision, now im just waiting for my diploma to prove I was there and did it!
And all of that is just the powdery cake mix....not even the good stuff (like all the chocolate parts!). Our God is so amazingly wonderful and gracious to us and more than anything He teaches us. Yeah sometimes it's hard but how rewarding when you take a moment to look back, even if it's just for that one moment your in to realize everything our Father is doing. Dont forget to take those moments, sometimes thats all you need to keep those centimeter skipping grasp escaping things from overwhelming you. And if that doesn't work....let Him know your heart, He already knows it better than you but He loves to hear you come before Him and tell Him all about it.
So tell me....what is He doing in your life?
Love and miss yall!
Heather
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Confessions of a silly faced Bride....
So nothing like new adventures! lol.
So as women sometimes we are pretty aware of what we look like (some a little too much) but many times that is how we define our beauty (not saying its biblical but its true).
Well these past few weeks my face has been feeling kind of different. It all started with this random sickness that wasn't quite a cold but still kind of weird. Well on our mini vacation to Tennessee I sneezed one night and all of a sudden my face got pretty itchy and kind of tender around my eye and nose. A few minutes later i noticed it was pretty puffy. Of course my first reaction was "great i broke my face!". I asked Grant if he saw it and he noticed it a little bit and we decided we would just keep an eye on it. Since then the left side of my nose and under my eye has been a little tender but i assumed i just popped something when i sneezed. We have noticed some swelling and puffiness on a few other occasions as well but thought nothing of it. Wednesday at work i scratched around my eye/nose area and it got really red and puffy.
"Great one of those super annoying under the skin pimples that the whole world can see but everyone diverts there eyes so you dont think they are staring...."(i hate those).
well in a few hours it faded and i thought man that was neat....no pimple after all.
So last night im sitting on the couch watching tv while Grant slipped into a sleep deprived coma on the floor. Well once again my nose felt itchy so common sense i started rubbing it, then i licked my lips...and then i panicked. The whole left side of my lip felt super weird, kind of like i got a numbing shot. after a few minutes of repeatedly licking my lip to make sure i wasn't losing my mind i got up and looked in the mirror. I wish i would have taken a picture. it looked like i stuck a grape under my lip, the left side of my cheek was swollen and started to feel a little numb. and it all looked a little.. well wrong. Of course i start checking to make sure i can breathe.....well im not blue so we are good there. Then there was the hunt for a rash cause i was certain that funny tasting peanut i had earlier had something to do with it....wait i eat peanuts all the time and im not dead yet and it has never made me look like a saggy faced cabbage patch before so that can't be it.
Okay insert moment of panic......MY FACE IS JACKED UP (WELL DOWN), I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR!!
So like every reasonable wife i frantically wake Grant shaking him with no love at all "honey there is something wrong with my face....can you see it, can you see it...look at my lip, can you see it" I was scared....the love thing wasnt the first on my mind lol.
At that point i was torn between give me a benadryl and send me to bed to sleep it off and my face, my face is wrong! We called his sister Lori and shared what was happening and she immediatly recognized the symptoms of Bells Palsy (a viral infection in the muscles of your face, they dont know what causes it but if not treated the symptoms can be permanent). Not a fan of the saggy face category so Grant decided we should go and see the doctor.
Wait a second....enter no health insurance.....i hated the fact i was gonna cause us a huge bill, enter the crying emotional moment.....and Grant deciding my health was more important. And we were off.... all the while my jaw growing numb along the way. I was so afraid i was literally shaking. Amazing how in times of fear we tend to cry out to our Heavenly Father.... Lord im afraid, please calm my fears, help me to know You will provide for this, help me to not panic or cry. Praise our Daddy! He did. I was so nervous when i got there i pretty much shook the whole time (especially when they had Grant stay back to fill out paperwork while i had to go to the scary daunting hospital room with the tiny bed and all those intimidating ear looker inners, and big over head lights....do they know anything about comforting people who are nervous).....anyway when Grant arrived the Dr was right behind him, i retold my sneezing, numb face story for the third time and yep Bell's palsey it is. Let's steal my blood, and never give it back and here are your pills and have a great night! And we were headed home with my first dose of meds and an almost normal face structure. Pretty much back to normal now, You can only tell if you know what your looking for and happen to spend a lot of time memorizing my normal lip structure. they say it can take up to a couple weeks but since i had such a small case it may not even take that long.
So that was my silly faced adventure! Another blessing without insurance just one of my meds (the one i had to have )would have cost up to $100 at most of the pharmacies in town and the Lord blessed us with a place that only charged $30 for both! Our God is soo faithful!
So our first trip to the ER as a couple was survived! And an even deeper love for my Heavenly Father for being my comfort, and my hubby for loving his swollen faced bride and asking a hundred times if im feeling okay....He loves me....i know!! Im so blessed but i think i could go without that much excitement for a little while lol.
Fun huh? :) and i learned a few valuable lessons along the way....including our Daddy works in wonderful ways to teach us He is faithful sometimes. and oh how I LOVE the fact that my Savior is Faithful and holds my hand when im fearful. What a great God!!
Your Heavenbound Heather
So as women sometimes we are pretty aware of what we look like (some a little too much) but many times that is how we define our beauty (not saying its biblical but its true).
Well these past few weeks my face has been feeling kind of different. It all started with this random sickness that wasn't quite a cold but still kind of weird. Well on our mini vacation to Tennessee I sneezed one night and all of a sudden my face got pretty itchy and kind of tender around my eye and nose. A few minutes later i noticed it was pretty puffy. Of course my first reaction was "great i broke my face!". I asked Grant if he saw it and he noticed it a little bit and we decided we would just keep an eye on it. Since then the left side of my nose and under my eye has been a little tender but i assumed i just popped something when i sneezed. We have noticed some swelling and puffiness on a few other occasions as well but thought nothing of it. Wednesday at work i scratched around my eye/nose area and it got really red and puffy.
"Great one of those super annoying under the skin pimples that the whole world can see but everyone diverts there eyes so you dont think they are staring...."(i hate those).
well in a few hours it faded and i thought man that was neat....no pimple after all.
So last night im sitting on the couch watching tv while Grant slipped into a sleep deprived coma on the floor. Well once again my nose felt itchy so common sense i started rubbing it, then i licked my lips...and then i panicked. The whole left side of my lip felt super weird, kind of like i got a numbing shot. after a few minutes of repeatedly licking my lip to make sure i wasn't losing my mind i got up and looked in the mirror. I wish i would have taken a picture. it looked like i stuck a grape under my lip, the left side of my cheek was swollen and started to feel a little numb. and it all looked a little.. well wrong. Of course i start checking to make sure i can breathe.....well im not blue so we are good there. Then there was the hunt for a rash cause i was certain that funny tasting peanut i had earlier had something to do with it....wait i eat peanuts all the time and im not dead yet and it has never made me look like a saggy faced cabbage patch before so that can't be it.
Okay insert moment of panic......MY FACE IS JACKED UP (WELL DOWN), I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR!!
So like every reasonable wife i frantically wake Grant shaking him with no love at all "honey there is something wrong with my face....can you see it, can you see it...look at my lip, can you see it" I was scared....the love thing wasnt the first on my mind lol.
At that point i was torn between give me a benadryl and send me to bed to sleep it off and my face, my face is wrong! We called his sister Lori and shared what was happening and she immediatly recognized the symptoms of Bells Palsy (a viral infection in the muscles of your face, they dont know what causes it but if not treated the symptoms can be permanent). Not a fan of the saggy face category so Grant decided we should go and see the doctor.
Wait a second....enter no health insurance.....i hated the fact i was gonna cause us a huge bill, enter the crying emotional moment.....and Grant deciding my health was more important. And we were off.... all the while my jaw growing numb along the way. I was so afraid i was literally shaking. Amazing how in times of fear we tend to cry out to our Heavenly Father.... Lord im afraid, please calm my fears, help me to know You will provide for this, help me to not panic or cry. Praise our Daddy! He did. I was so nervous when i got there i pretty much shook the whole time (especially when they had Grant stay back to fill out paperwork while i had to go to the scary daunting hospital room with the tiny bed and all those intimidating ear looker inners, and big over head lights....do they know anything about comforting people who are nervous).....anyway when Grant arrived the Dr was right behind him, i retold my sneezing, numb face story for the third time and yep Bell's palsey it is. Let's steal my blood, and never give it back and here are your pills and have a great night! And we were headed home with my first dose of meds and an almost normal face structure. Pretty much back to normal now, You can only tell if you know what your looking for and happen to spend a lot of time memorizing my normal lip structure. they say it can take up to a couple weeks but since i had such a small case it may not even take that long.
So that was my silly faced adventure! Another blessing without insurance just one of my meds (the one i had to have )would have cost up to $100 at most of the pharmacies in town and the Lord blessed us with a place that only charged $30 for both! Our God is soo faithful!
So our first trip to the ER as a couple was survived! And an even deeper love for my Heavenly Father for being my comfort, and my hubby for loving his swollen faced bride and asking a hundred times if im feeling okay....He loves me....i know!! Im so blessed but i think i could go without that much excitement for a little while lol.
Fun huh? :) and i learned a few valuable lessons along the way....including our Daddy works in wonderful ways to teach us He is faithful sometimes. and oh how I LOVE the fact that my Savior is Faithful and holds my hand when im fearful. What a great God!!
Your Heavenbound Heather
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Confessions of a blogging bride....
Soo...blogging....
What in the world do i have to say that is interesting enough to blog about, and after it took me three hours to try and figure out how this thing works why would i ever go through the trouble to do it? Cause it's gonna be FUN!!
Im a Heavenbound Bride who lives in Northern Minnesota, I can count the amount of heart warming friends I have met here on one hand, I freeze 9 months out of the year and random days in between, I have been married for a year and 5 months, im emotional, i love food, im pretty sure im crazy, and i have a husband who loves me in spite of that and a Heavenly Father who just thinks im wonderful even though I daily disappoint and fail Him.
How is writing about any of that not fun! oh and sometimes i just need to vent and be encouraged. Thus here is my blog! :) Full of run on sentences and exclamation points where they dont belong cause i think they are the greatest invention ever, poor grammar and spelling, lots of tears, and girl time to challenge and encourage all of us (okay those who decide to read my ramblings lol)
I love life but sometimes it's hard and well my life for the past year has been nothing but one great big adventure and Praise the Lord im still hanging on by this never letting go thread. In fact im pretty sure im so tangled up that i couldnt let go even if i wanted, and trust me there are days I want to do just that.
And mostly my blog is about my life as a Princess bride...a daughter of the King of Kings and the help meet to the love of my life Grant. The crazy ups and downs of life as a bride in general, my failures and victories with my Heavenly Father, the lessons im learning and daily being taught and those i can't seem to get through my thick head, and... my heart.....(its therapeutic this blogging thing, or so ive heard)
So im off on this journey, trying to be faithful and to keep yall laughing with my silly wifey moments that make you just sit back and say... really? lol and those moments that Lord willing will draw us closer to the Lover of our souls, the One who desires the inner most intimate moments we hold so dear and times that can only be described as God moments.
I pray this journey is as fun for you as im hoping it will be for me :)
Your Heavenbound Princess
Heather
What in the world do i have to say that is interesting enough to blog about, and after it took me three hours to try and figure out how this thing works why would i ever go through the trouble to do it? Cause it's gonna be FUN!!
Im a Heavenbound Bride who lives in Northern Minnesota, I can count the amount of heart warming friends I have met here on one hand, I freeze 9 months out of the year and random days in between, I have been married for a year and 5 months, im emotional, i love food, im pretty sure im crazy, and i have a husband who loves me in spite of that and a Heavenly Father who just thinks im wonderful even though I daily disappoint and fail Him.
How is writing about any of that not fun! oh and sometimes i just need to vent and be encouraged. Thus here is my blog! :) Full of run on sentences and exclamation points where they dont belong cause i think they are the greatest invention ever, poor grammar and spelling, lots of tears, and girl time to challenge and encourage all of us (okay those who decide to read my ramblings lol)
I love life but sometimes it's hard and well my life for the past year has been nothing but one great big adventure and Praise the Lord im still hanging on by this never letting go thread. In fact im pretty sure im so tangled up that i couldnt let go even if i wanted, and trust me there are days I want to do just that.
And mostly my blog is about my life as a Princess bride...a daughter of the King of Kings and the help meet to the love of my life Grant. The crazy ups and downs of life as a bride in general, my failures and victories with my Heavenly Father, the lessons im learning and daily being taught and those i can't seem to get through my thick head, and... my heart.....(its therapeutic this blogging thing, or so ive heard)
So im off on this journey, trying to be faithful and to keep yall laughing with my silly wifey moments that make you just sit back and say... really? lol and those moments that Lord willing will draw us closer to the Lover of our souls, the One who desires the inner most intimate moments we hold so dear and times that can only be described as God moments.
I pray this journey is as fun for you as im hoping it will be for me :)
Your Heavenbound Princess
Heather
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Confessions of an emotionally-unstable-absolutely-crazy-with-a-hubby-that-loves-me-to-much-to-say-it Bride
So being a woman we hands down have the right to be emotional at times, if your a fella reading this suck it up because it's true. Ask any lady :)
Im sitting on the couch after a long day at work, and Grant walks in the door. He takes one look at me and all of a sudden im crying. Out of the blue, never saw it coming.
Sitting on the couch watching a favorite past time, i look over to Grant and say I just think im gonna cry, why? he asks, i reply with the most obvious of aswers "i have no idea" haha and i continue to blubber like an idiot over absolutely nothing for about 15 minutes while Grant sits there rocking me and letting me get snottzies on his shirt. After all it's said and done he looks to me and says "are those snottzies German?"
The most wonderful of all my crazy emotional outbursts lately.... So our friends just had their baby and i have been just so over whelmed with excitement for them lately and me being a girl and Grant being a guy we handle this completely different. lol. We are sitting on the couch last night and im looking on facebook reading all the current posts and it hits me they are sitting at home holding their new baby girl and they are a family now, and i just got so overwhelmed by the fact that one day Lord willing that will be Grant and I. I look over to him and say "honey are you jealous?" Me being me i meant it as can you imagine that one day we could be them, holding our own bundle of joy (i must insert a moment of No, im not pregnant please leave me alone about it, when the Lord wants us to have a baby we will be pregnant there is no need to ask Every month trust us we will let you know. for those wondering minds of course) Grant being Grant and a guy continues writing his paper and responds with nope, not really. then he gets up and gets a glass of water. Im sitting there with this running through my mind "HE DOESNT WANT TO HAVE BABIES!!!!! WWWAAAHHHHH!!!"
haha im so insane lol. this continued into a thirty minute conversation about what are you talking about, i do want to have kids but when the Lord blesses us with one then we will have our own, and so on and so forth clearly meaning where in the world did you get i dont want to have babies just cause i said i wasnt jealous. (I will have to post something later about how men and womens' minds work differently....incredible, a whole other world ladies)
Oh good times in our house. I don't know how He does it. lol.
I swear im not crazy.... at least i dont think so, and with Grant being in applied psych im sure he would at least hint to it if he thought i was losing my mind, well if i had already lost it.
so i here sit wondering why in the world im saying any of this and i guess it all boils down to the fact that... i have no idea. haha. it's my note and i can say randomness if i want. lol.
No really, the real reason, i think, is just that some times we tend to get so overwhelmed and emotional about the craziest things but when was the last time we got overwhelmed by our God? The other day i was sitting at (not on) my wonderful computer screen on my day off and as im putting around i began listening to some music and all of a sudden im sitting there, really listening, not to the instruments, not to their voices, but to the words. "My God is mighty to save", "I will rise on eagles wings, before my God fall on my knees" "How great is our God" and as i was sitting there i was almost certain that my Heavenly Father was standing there right beside me and i have never been so unbelievably overwhelmed by His love in my life. I sat there with tears streaming down my face and the only place i wanted to be was kneeling before His throne, to be there in Glory celebrating, dancing, standing in awe of who He is and EVERYTHING that He has done for me, for us, for my family in just the past couple months, let alone since before time began.
Do you get it? I mean really get it? How AMAZING our God is! I mean He created this insane being (me) because He loved me, He created you (hopefully less insane) because He loves you. When was the last time you just stepped away from the world and sat in the presence of the Almighty? Praised Him for everything He has done in your life? Whether you thought it best or not.
It has been tough being here but in the past few months i have never felt so blessed and so overwhelmed by just how incredible God is, how He truly does have this amazing tapestry spread out for each of us and daily He is putting His plans into motion.
Well duh it's gonna be hard, and of course it's gonna hurt, and more than a few times you will have honest to goodness reasons to cry tears into your Daddys shoulder (and hubby's too if ya have one), but in the grand scheme of it all:
There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
Live every moment as though you were standing before His throne because in truth we stand before our Great Daddy every moment, in the dark or in the light. No matter where we are right now, the victory is won! How utterly Exciting!! if your not excited about that, something is seriously wrong with you!! Fall on your knees before our God, Praise Him, thank Him, He deserves it! And cry if you need to, He doesn't mind, He bottles them all up and records them in His book, because that's how much He loves us, even your salty water drops are important to Him.
I love yall, and i hope this encouraged some one, if not that's okay cause it was such an awesome reminder just reliving that moment.
Heather- the crazy bride who never minds sharing her confessions of wifey hood with you.
Im sitting on the couch after a long day at work, and Grant walks in the door. He takes one look at me and all of a sudden im crying. Out of the blue, never saw it coming.
Sitting on the couch watching a favorite past time, i look over to Grant and say I just think im gonna cry, why? he asks, i reply with the most obvious of aswers "i have no idea" haha and i continue to blubber like an idiot over absolutely nothing for about 15 minutes while Grant sits there rocking me and letting me get snottzies on his shirt. After all it's said and done he looks to me and says "are those snottzies German?"
The most wonderful of all my crazy emotional outbursts lately.... So our friends just had their baby and i have been just so over whelmed with excitement for them lately and me being a girl and Grant being a guy we handle this completely different. lol. We are sitting on the couch last night and im looking on facebook reading all the current posts and it hits me they are sitting at home holding their new baby girl and they are a family now, and i just got so overwhelmed by the fact that one day Lord willing that will be Grant and I. I look over to him and say "honey are you jealous?" Me being me i meant it as can you imagine that one day we could be them, holding our own bundle of joy (i must insert a moment of No, im not pregnant please leave me alone about it, when the Lord wants us to have a baby we will be pregnant there is no need to ask Every month trust us we will let you know. for those wondering minds of course) Grant being Grant and a guy continues writing his paper and responds with nope, not really. then he gets up and gets a glass of water. Im sitting there with this running through my mind "HE DOESNT WANT TO HAVE BABIES!!!!! WWWAAAHHHHH!!!"
haha im so insane lol. this continued into a thirty minute conversation about what are you talking about, i do want to have kids but when the Lord blesses us with one then we will have our own, and so on and so forth clearly meaning where in the world did you get i dont want to have babies just cause i said i wasnt jealous. (I will have to post something later about how men and womens' minds work differently....incredible, a whole other world ladies)
Oh good times in our house. I don't know how He does it. lol.
I swear im not crazy.... at least i dont think so, and with Grant being in applied psych im sure he would at least hint to it if he thought i was losing my mind, well if i had already lost it.
so i here sit wondering why in the world im saying any of this and i guess it all boils down to the fact that... i have no idea. haha. it's my note and i can say randomness if i want. lol.
No really, the real reason, i think, is just that some times we tend to get so overwhelmed and emotional about the craziest things but when was the last time we got overwhelmed by our God? The other day i was sitting at (not on) my wonderful computer screen on my day off and as im putting around i began listening to some music and all of a sudden im sitting there, really listening, not to the instruments, not to their voices, but to the words. "My God is mighty to save", "I will rise on eagles wings, before my God fall on my knees" "How great is our God" and as i was sitting there i was almost certain that my Heavenly Father was standing there right beside me and i have never been so unbelievably overwhelmed by His love in my life. I sat there with tears streaming down my face and the only place i wanted to be was kneeling before His throne, to be there in Glory celebrating, dancing, standing in awe of who He is and EVERYTHING that He has done for me, for us, for my family in just the past couple months, let alone since before time began.
Do you get it? I mean really get it? How AMAZING our God is! I mean He created this insane being (me) because He loved me, He created you (hopefully less insane) because He loves you. When was the last time you just stepped away from the world and sat in the presence of the Almighty? Praised Him for everything He has done in your life? Whether you thought it best or not.
It has been tough being here but in the past few months i have never felt so blessed and so overwhelmed by just how incredible God is, how He truly does have this amazing tapestry spread out for each of us and daily He is putting His plans into motion.
Well duh it's gonna be hard, and of course it's gonna hurt, and more than a few times you will have honest to goodness reasons to cry tears into your Daddys shoulder (and hubby's too if ya have one), but in the grand scheme of it all:
There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
Live every moment as though you were standing before His throne because in truth we stand before our Great Daddy every moment, in the dark or in the light. No matter where we are right now, the victory is won! How utterly Exciting!! if your not excited about that, something is seriously wrong with you!! Fall on your knees before our God, Praise Him, thank Him, He deserves it! And cry if you need to, He doesn't mind, He bottles them all up and records them in His book, because that's how much He loves us, even your salty water drops are important to Him.
I love yall, and i hope this encouraged some one, if not that's okay cause it was such an awesome reminder just reliving that moment.
Heather- the crazy bride who never minds sharing her confessions of wifey hood with you.
Confessions of a bride being changed....
I was awakened this morning to these exact words "happy 7 months baby"....Seven incredible months of marriage with many ups and downs and... well....change.
That my friend has never been easy for me, i like the steady, i like the calm, i like the expected. I don't want to be thrown off balance by something i have no control over. Last week i saw a quote a friend had posted on her site. It said:
We all think we are going to be great and we feel a bit robbed when our expectations aren't met. But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still. The expected is just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.
The expected is my comfort zone. As i look back over these past few years i laugh as i recount the many un-expected things the Lord has brought into my life. My little sister had a baby, the Lord provided a way for me to go through not only one but two years of school, I fell in love....real love, i went to France, I got engaged, i became an expert on lice and swine flu (dont ask... lol), I married the man of my dreams, and now here I am in Mini Soda.
As I think back now the unexpected is what changes everything, however I think of the words of my Daddy "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness"
How incredibly beautiful, tears come to my eyes as i think about it. His grace is sufficient....He is able to do more than i could EVER ask or think....and so many times in my own mind His grace isn't enough, He didn't do it the "right" way, the Heather way.
My heart is daily changing as im living out my own adventure here, everything i thought i once knew is being challenged and it's hard. I want someone who understands, and to be honest some days i look right past the One who knows me best. And yet in the silence when im home alone, and the tears for whatever reason are falling down the One who knows me best reminds me that He is holding my tears in a bottle and that He is recording them in His book. He knows the trials I am facing, the hurts, the joys, in short He knows my heart, and i love the fact that He is molding it into what He sees fit.
I went to community life hour with Grant the other day and we ended up singing the song that says
" My Savior He can move the mountains, my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save"
Immediately I was taken back to 8 years ago when I gave my life to Christ at wol camp, of every camper I have ever seen the Lord change their life, of my campers, of victories so amazingly powerful brought about just because my God, my Savior, my Daddy can move mountains. He is so mighty to save, and many times we chalk that up to He can move other peoples mountains, and He can only bring about salvation, and He can! But He can move My mountains, your mountains, He can save me from the doubts, the hurts, the loneliness of being so far away, i sometimes forget that He can save me from everyday struggles as well.
How silly of me.
My heart....its being transformed....i wish i had the words to explain it. Sometimes i feel it so strongly as though He is picking away at the tarnished areas and i suppose He is. My Daddy is shaping me into what He wants me to be, more into the image of Christ everyday. At other times it seems as though He is gently, and carefully, reshaping me with His fingers, careful it seems because He knows at the moment I can only handle so much. What a God we serve.
I am far from the woman i want to be for my Heavenly Father but i am determined to live each day under the shadow of His wings.
I am learning so much about being a wife and though it has been hard Grant and I have grown so close just being so far away from everyone else. I remember during my second year at Word of Life during chapel one day Ric Garland played a song, i dont know what it was called, and the only words i even remember are "I want to do something so big for You." That is all I have prayed since that day, Lord I want to do something so big for You. I was challenged yet again today to serve the Lord in my present state. We are still searching for a church home, and some days I feel so dried up spiritually, I have really felt after two years of incredible ministry at wol, i no longer have a ministry to pour myself into. How wrong I am. I was reminded today that my husband right now is my greatest ministry. That I am here to be his help meet. Dont get me wrong, I never forgot that, and I daily strive to make his days easier, but am i really ministering to him on a day to day basis, is my heart one of ministering? Do i do it because thats what im supposed to do, or because i trully want to be a blessing to him, because my hearts desire is to minister? Those words were a huge challenge to this wife, and something i will be praying about. I know the little things i do make a difference to him but i want to minister to him the way he ministers to me.....i dont even know if that is making any sense but i know what i mean in my head and heart so......take it for what it's worth i suppose. lol :)
I never imagined i would be on this journey and all of it brought about because of change. I guess it's not so bad after all.
I miss you all. :)
That my friend has never been easy for me, i like the steady, i like the calm, i like the expected. I don't want to be thrown off balance by something i have no control over. Last week i saw a quote a friend had posted on her site. It said:
We all think we are going to be great and we feel a bit robbed when our expectations aren't met. But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still. The expected is just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.
The expected is my comfort zone. As i look back over these past few years i laugh as i recount the many un-expected things the Lord has brought into my life. My little sister had a baby, the Lord provided a way for me to go through not only one but two years of school, I fell in love....real love, i went to France, I got engaged, i became an expert on lice and swine flu (dont ask... lol), I married the man of my dreams, and now here I am in Mini Soda.
As I think back now the unexpected is what changes everything, however I think of the words of my Daddy "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness"
How incredibly beautiful, tears come to my eyes as i think about it. His grace is sufficient....He is able to do more than i could EVER ask or think....and so many times in my own mind His grace isn't enough, He didn't do it the "right" way, the Heather way.
My heart is daily changing as im living out my own adventure here, everything i thought i once knew is being challenged and it's hard. I want someone who understands, and to be honest some days i look right past the One who knows me best. And yet in the silence when im home alone, and the tears for whatever reason are falling down the One who knows me best reminds me that He is holding my tears in a bottle and that He is recording them in His book. He knows the trials I am facing, the hurts, the joys, in short He knows my heart, and i love the fact that He is molding it into what He sees fit.
I went to community life hour with Grant the other day and we ended up singing the song that says
" My Savior He can move the mountains, my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save"
Immediately I was taken back to 8 years ago when I gave my life to Christ at wol camp, of every camper I have ever seen the Lord change their life, of my campers, of victories so amazingly powerful brought about just because my God, my Savior, my Daddy can move mountains. He is so mighty to save, and many times we chalk that up to He can move other peoples mountains, and He can only bring about salvation, and He can! But He can move My mountains, your mountains, He can save me from the doubts, the hurts, the loneliness of being so far away, i sometimes forget that He can save me from everyday struggles as well.
How silly of me.
My heart....its being transformed....i wish i had the words to explain it. Sometimes i feel it so strongly as though He is picking away at the tarnished areas and i suppose He is. My Daddy is shaping me into what He wants me to be, more into the image of Christ everyday. At other times it seems as though He is gently, and carefully, reshaping me with His fingers, careful it seems because He knows at the moment I can only handle so much. What a God we serve.
I am far from the woman i want to be for my Heavenly Father but i am determined to live each day under the shadow of His wings.
I am learning so much about being a wife and though it has been hard Grant and I have grown so close just being so far away from everyone else. I remember during my second year at Word of Life during chapel one day Ric Garland played a song, i dont know what it was called, and the only words i even remember are "I want to do something so big for You." That is all I have prayed since that day, Lord I want to do something so big for You. I was challenged yet again today to serve the Lord in my present state. We are still searching for a church home, and some days I feel so dried up spiritually, I have really felt after two years of incredible ministry at wol, i no longer have a ministry to pour myself into. How wrong I am. I was reminded today that my husband right now is my greatest ministry. That I am here to be his help meet. Dont get me wrong, I never forgot that, and I daily strive to make his days easier, but am i really ministering to him on a day to day basis, is my heart one of ministering? Do i do it because thats what im supposed to do, or because i trully want to be a blessing to him, because my hearts desire is to minister? Those words were a huge challenge to this wife, and something i will be praying about. I know the little things i do make a difference to him but i want to minister to him the way he ministers to me.....i dont even know if that is making any sense but i know what i mean in my head and heart so......take it for what it's worth i suppose. lol :)
I never imagined i would be on this journey and all of it brought about because of change. I guess it's not so bad after all.
I miss you all. :)
Confessions of an out-of-place-bride...
To be there again...to turn the clock back and live in the moment, to soak it all up because it was all I had.
And here i am...im not sure what im doing here except being my husband's help meet.
Still no job and quite frankly its DEPRESSING!!
I sit at home while he is in class. i start my days by spending time with my Heavenly Father praying that this day will be different than those before. That something will make me feel as though i belong, it's lonely. I miss my friends, i miss sitting and talking for hours with someone who understands, i miss crying with you.
You ask me if it's as hard as i thought it would be...yes...it is. It's even worse because i had it all built up in my heart and mind that it sounds bad but deep down it was going to end up being great.
In the end it will be, but it's not there yet
We are looking for a new church, im looking for a new job, im living in a new place, i have new weather conditions, listen people 60 in Florida is certainly not 60 in Minnesota. Im not good at this new stuff.
I want to be better at this.
Sometimes i wish i was that girl who could stare everything in it's face and say it didnt matter. She is strong, she is made to survive to flourish.
im not that girl.
i stare nothing in it's face, i cower behind the next person trembling with fear, im only strong because i have to be, i only survive because there is no other choice.
Home is where your heart is:
Home is with my family
Home is with my best friend
Home is at wol
Home is with the bentleys
Home is at camp
Home is with you...
But not today.
Today my Daddy has chosen to place me here, with the most incredible and Godly man a girl could ever pray for. I am here to help him and i will not fail.
I will put a smile on my face, a parka on my back, tissues in my pocket and i will stand.
My Heavenly Father will bless me with new friends, but never replace the old. He will provide for us even when it seems impossible. He will continue to grow us closer together as we face these new challenges ahead and in the end He will make me that stronger person who can look anything in the face because she knows she has the Victor on her side, I will be made strong because I lean on Him, and I will flourish because I belong to Him and to Him alone. He is my King, and He alone holds my heart. I may be out of place but im in the exact position my Heavenly Father would have me in. I know i will come through this stronger, and even closer to my Daddy and im excited to see where He takes us in these next two years.
Please keep praying for us, and for me as well. It isn't easy and being as im the most emotional person on the face of the planet sometimes it's exhausting.
Thanks for understanding and for reading my ramblings.
I love yall and miss you tons!
And here i am...im not sure what im doing here except being my husband's help meet.
Still no job and quite frankly its DEPRESSING!!
I sit at home while he is in class. i start my days by spending time with my Heavenly Father praying that this day will be different than those before. That something will make me feel as though i belong, it's lonely. I miss my friends, i miss sitting and talking for hours with someone who understands, i miss crying with you.
You ask me if it's as hard as i thought it would be...yes...it is. It's even worse because i had it all built up in my heart and mind that it sounds bad but deep down it was going to end up being great.
In the end it will be, but it's not there yet
We are looking for a new church, im looking for a new job, im living in a new place, i have new weather conditions, listen people 60 in Florida is certainly not 60 in Minnesota. Im not good at this new stuff.
I want to be better at this.
Sometimes i wish i was that girl who could stare everything in it's face and say it didnt matter. She is strong, she is made to survive to flourish.
im not that girl.
i stare nothing in it's face, i cower behind the next person trembling with fear, im only strong because i have to be, i only survive because there is no other choice.
Home is where your heart is:
Home is with my family
Home is with my best friend
Home is at wol
Home is with the bentleys
Home is at camp
Home is with you...
But not today.
Today my Daddy has chosen to place me here, with the most incredible and Godly man a girl could ever pray for. I am here to help him and i will not fail.
I will put a smile on my face, a parka on my back, tissues in my pocket and i will stand.
My Heavenly Father will bless me with new friends, but never replace the old. He will provide for us even when it seems impossible. He will continue to grow us closer together as we face these new challenges ahead and in the end He will make me that stronger person who can look anything in the face because she knows she has the Victor on her side, I will be made strong because I lean on Him, and I will flourish because I belong to Him and to Him alone. He is my King, and He alone holds my heart. I may be out of place but im in the exact position my Heavenly Father would have me in. I know i will come through this stronger, and even closer to my Daddy and im excited to see where He takes us in these next two years.
Please keep praying for us, and for me as well. It isn't easy and being as im the most emotional person on the face of the planet sometimes it's exhausting.
Thanks for understanding and for reading my ramblings.
I love yall and miss you tons!
Confessions of an "along-for-the-ride" Bride
Another embarassing moment of married life happened, it was too embarassing to even tell here. I laughed and cried all at the same time, and then i cried and cried and through it all i laughed a little more. Oh the joys of being with someone who understands that things happen.
Grant coaxed me awake this morning at 3:30 again.
Lord does he have to leave me again? (Yes my child)
We went downstairs to prepare his lunch, and then ate our cereal together while watching re-runs of Leno.
Lord do you realize the guest, who ever he was, said he was a believer, but not a born again Christian? (Yes my child)
Grant left at 4:20 exactly....and here i am after doing our dishes and starting the dryer.
Everyone asks how i am doing, i say im just along for the ride.
it's hard when your not in your own home, you spend more time with your husbands family than with him alone. i must admit im not a fan.
im trying to lay back and just do as im asked and that i do, but really i pack one box and sit around for a little while wondering what other things grant would have me pack away.Then i help mom for a little while, then i play on facebook, and then i suppose at some point i return to packing.
Lord will it ever get easier? (Yes my child)
Minnesota looms in the distance, i still think about it and cry. I have contacted admissions and they are so nice but just thinking about it my heart feels lonely, this seeming ache that sometimes seems to fade and then other days its all i can do to keep my heart together and the tears from falling.
Lord you will take care of me..right? (Yes my child, but you have got to let go and trust me)
The underlying factor in it all....Trust. It seems since i have become a christian that's all the Lord has asked me to do, and yet it still comes so hard for me, i fight to gain a grasp, a foothold even and yet it seems im still dangling by a thread.
But He never let's go of that thread.
Lord you love me a bunch huh? (Yes my child, more than you could ever imagine)
I love you too. i do. it seems so insignificant to say it aloud. Its the kind of love that has no words, maybe because we sometimes bury our love through the pain of regret and sorrow but our Daddy knows our heart. I wish mine were better for Him.
Another day of packing always brings moments of randomness when i look through Grants old stuff :) i found his football letter yesterday, and his junior pictures, it made me laugh. :)
We found our marriage license floating amidst a pile of papers at the duval county court house, soon we will finally have proof we are married and i can officially change my name. :)
Yes, im an "along-for-the-ride" bride, but hey at least it's fun, and I know im never alone. :)
my heart feels lighter, im gonna head back to sleep now, the Lord blesses my day each morning with the sound of the birdies singing outside my window, i have a couple hours before the coax me awake.
Good night
Lord do you see the spider crawling along the cabinet? (Yes my child)
I turned the light on so i can see him too.
Grant coaxed me awake this morning at 3:30 again.
Lord does he have to leave me again? (Yes my child)
We went downstairs to prepare his lunch, and then ate our cereal together while watching re-runs of Leno.
Lord do you realize the guest, who ever he was, said he was a believer, but not a born again Christian? (Yes my child)
Grant left at 4:20 exactly....and here i am after doing our dishes and starting the dryer.
Everyone asks how i am doing, i say im just along for the ride.
it's hard when your not in your own home, you spend more time with your husbands family than with him alone. i must admit im not a fan.
im trying to lay back and just do as im asked and that i do, but really i pack one box and sit around for a little while wondering what other things grant would have me pack away.Then i help mom for a little while, then i play on facebook, and then i suppose at some point i return to packing.
Lord will it ever get easier? (Yes my child)
Minnesota looms in the distance, i still think about it and cry. I have contacted admissions and they are so nice but just thinking about it my heart feels lonely, this seeming ache that sometimes seems to fade and then other days its all i can do to keep my heart together and the tears from falling.
Lord you will take care of me..right? (Yes my child, but you have got to let go and trust me)
The underlying factor in it all....Trust. It seems since i have become a christian that's all the Lord has asked me to do, and yet it still comes so hard for me, i fight to gain a grasp, a foothold even and yet it seems im still dangling by a thread.
But He never let's go of that thread.
Lord you love me a bunch huh? (Yes my child, more than you could ever imagine)
I love you too. i do. it seems so insignificant to say it aloud. Its the kind of love that has no words, maybe because we sometimes bury our love through the pain of regret and sorrow but our Daddy knows our heart. I wish mine were better for Him.
Another day of packing always brings moments of randomness when i look through Grants old stuff :) i found his football letter yesterday, and his junior pictures, it made me laugh. :)
We found our marriage license floating amidst a pile of papers at the duval county court house, soon we will finally have proof we are married and i can officially change my name. :)
Yes, im an "along-for-the-ride" bride, but hey at least it's fun, and I know im never alone. :)
my heart feels lighter, im gonna head back to sleep now, the Lord blesses my day each morning with the sound of the birdies singing outside my window, i have a couple hours before the coax me awake.
Good night
Lord do you see the spider crawling along the cabinet? (Yes my child)
I turned the light on so i can see him too.
Confessions of a scared bride....
Lord im leaving....im getting ready to say good bye to everything i have really ever known and quite frankly im scared out of my mind.
I just keep saying over and over "my Daddy, He will take care of me, He will and He has blessed me with Grant so i have a physical shoulder to cry on as well. It will be okay"
However instead of my heart shattering to the floor when we drive away tomorrow i think it will break silently, and only loud enough for my Heavenly Father and my new husband to hear.
I was never blessed with the gift of saying good bye, my heart is permanently attatched to every person who has ever walked into my life. I have never liked change ask anyone who knows me, im horrible at it.
I know the Lord has placed me here and im so exited to see all He has planned for me but im terrified at the same time.
Grant starts work on Monday....
what do i do with myself....i know packing up all his stuff but whats my place....
im afraid his family will realize im not any good for him, or there was bound to be a better girl (Lori and Donesa i know your probably reading this so welcome to your new sister in law who has enough insecurities for every woman that ever walked the face of the planet...sorry)
Lord i know your breaking me to be the woman you want me to be and i know it's not going to be easy, i want to learn so much and i know you have brought me hear to teach me, to mold me, to strengthen me, and Lord i know you will help me through. Help me to trust you, right now i want to run for the hills crying but you have blessed me so much especially with a new family i have prayed for my whole life. help me to let go, never to forget but to ease the pain of saying good bye. thank you for my new blessings and for a husband who lets me cry and accidently get snottzies on his shoulder. Thank you for being my Daddy and allowing me to cry in Your embrace as well. I love You
I just keep saying over and over "my Daddy, He will take care of me, He will and He has blessed me with Grant so i have a physical shoulder to cry on as well. It will be okay"
However instead of my heart shattering to the floor when we drive away tomorrow i think it will break silently, and only loud enough for my Heavenly Father and my new husband to hear.
I was never blessed with the gift of saying good bye, my heart is permanently attatched to every person who has ever walked into my life. I have never liked change ask anyone who knows me, im horrible at it.
I know the Lord has placed me here and im so exited to see all He has planned for me but im terrified at the same time.
Grant starts work on Monday....
what do i do with myself....i know packing up all his stuff but whats my place....
im afraid his family will realize im not any good for him, or there was bound to be a better girl (Lori and Donesa i know your probably reading this so welcome to your new sister in law who has enough insecurities for every woman that ever walked the face of the planet...sorry)
Lord i know your breaking me to be the woman you want me to be and i know it's not going to be easy, i want to learn so much and i know you have brought me hear to teach me, to mold me, to strengthen me, and Lord i know you will help me through. Help me to trust you, right now i want to run for the hills crying but you have blessed me so much especially with a new family i have prayed for my whole life. help me to let go, never to forget but to ease the pain of saying good bye. thank you for my new blessings and for a husband who lets me cry and accidently get snottzies on his shoulder. Thank you for being my Daddy and allowing me to cry in Your embrace as well. I love You
Confessions of a new bride...
i burnt the toast in the first week....on the honeymoon
never eat mashed potatoes, mac n cheese, and baked beans all in one week....not a good equation
a pint of Baskin Robins ice cream and a americas funniest home videos makes for great memories
just mentioning leaving in a few days breaks my heart but im trying to remember the Lord has opened a door for me to return shortly.
Im afraid of not measring up.
I love LOVE being his wife, companion, friend, helper, map reader, joke laugher atter...and the hundred other things im just beginning to realize i signed up for when i said 'I do'.
Thank you Heavenly Father for the answered prayer and amazing blessing of my new husband. i love him.
never eat mashed potatoes, mac n cheese, and baked beans all in one week....not a good equation
a pint of Baskin Robins ice cream and a americas funniest home videos makes for great memories
just mentioning leaving in a few days breaks my heart but im trying to remember the Lord has opened a door for me to return shortly.
Im afraid of not measring up.
I love LOVE being his wife, companion, friend, helper, map reader, joke laugher atter...and the hundred other things im just beginning to realize i signed up for when i said 'I do'.
Thank you Heavenly Father for the answered prayer and amazing blessing of my new husband. i love him.
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