To be there again...to turn the clock back and live in the moment, to soak it all up because it was all I had.
And here i am...im not sure what im doing here except being my husband's help meet.
Still no job and quite frankly its DEPRESSING!!
I sit at home while he is in class. i start my days by spending time with my Heavenly Father praying that this day will be different than those before. That something will make me feel as though i belong, it's lonely. I miss my friends, i miss sitting and talking for hours with someone who understands, i miss crying with you.
You ask me if it's as hard as i thought it would be...yes...it is. It's even worse because i had it all built up in my heart and mind that it sounds bad but deep down it was going to end up being great.
In the end it will be, but it's not there yet
We are looking for a new church, im looking for a new job, im living in a new place, i have new weather conditions, listen people 60 in Florida is certainly not 60 in Minnesota. Im not good at this new stuff.
I want to be better at this.
Sometimes i wish i was that girl who could stare everything in it's face and say it didnt matter. She is strong, she is made to survive to flourish.
im not that girl.
i stare nothing in it's face, i cower behind the next person trembling with fear, im only strong because i have to be, i only survive because there is no other choice.
Home is where your heart is:
Home is with my family
Home is with my best friend
Home is at wol
Home is with the bentleys
Home is at camp
Home is with you...
But not today.
Today my Daddy has chosen to place me here, with the most incredible and Godly man a girl could ever pray for. I am here to help him and i will not fail.
I will put a smile on my face, a parka on my back, tissues in my pocket and i will stand.
My Heavenly Father will bless me with new friends, but never replace the old. He will provide for us even when it seems impossible. He will continue to grow us closer together as we face these new challenges ahead and in the end He will make me that stronger person who can look anything in the face because she knows she has the Victor on her side, I will be made strong because I lean on Him, and I will flourish because I belong to Him and to Him alone. He is my King, and He alone holds my heart. I may be out of place but im in the exact position my Heavenly Father would have me in. I know i will come through this stronger, and even closer to my Daddy and im excited to see where He takes us in these next two years.
Please keep praying for us, and for me as well. It isn't easy and being as im the most emotional person on the face of the planet sometimes it's exhausting.
Thanks for understanding and for reading my ramblings.
I love yall and miss you tons!
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