Confessions of an "along-for-the-ride" Bride

Another embarassing moment of married life happened, it was too embarassing to even tell here. I laughed and cried all at the same time, and then i cried and cried and through it all i laughed a little more. Oh the joys of being with someone who understands that things happen.

Grant coaxed me awake this morning at 3:30 again.
Lord does he have to leave me again? (Yes my child)
We went downstairs to prepare his lunch, and then ate our cereal together while watching re-runs of Leno.
Lord do you realize the guest, who ever he was, said he was a believer, but not a born again Christian? (Yes my child)
Grant left at 4:20 exactly....and here i am after doing our dishes and starting the dryer.

Everyone asks how i am doing, i say im just along for the ride.
it's hard when your not in your own home, you spend more time with your husbands family than with him alone. i must admit im not a fan.
im trying to lay back and just do as im asked and that i do, but really i pack one box and sit around for a little while wondering what other things grant would have me pack away.Then i help mom for a little while, then i play on facebook, and then i suppose at some point i return to packing.
Lord will it ever get easier? (Yes my child)

Minnesota looms in the distance, i still think about it and cry. I have contacted admissions and they are so nice but just thinking about it my heart feels lonely, this seeming ache that sometimes seems to fade and then other days its all i can do to keep my heart together and the tears from falling.
Lord you will take care of me..right? (Yes my child, but you have got to let go and trust me)
The underlying factor in it all....Trust. It seems since i have become a christian that's all the Lord has asked me to do, and yet it still comes so hard for me, i fight to gain a grasp, a foothold even and yet it seems im still dangling by a thread.

But He never let's go of that thread.

Lord you love me a bunch huh? (Yes my child, more than you could ever imagine)
I love you too. i do. it seems so insignificant to say it aloud. Its the kind of love that has no words, maybe because we sometimes bury our love through the pain of regret and sorrow but our Daddy knows our heart. I wish mine were better for Him.

Another day of packing always brings moments of randomness when i look through Grants old stuff :) i found his football letter yesterday, and his junior pictures, it made me laugh. :)

We found our marriage license floating amidst a pile of papers at the duval county court house, soon we will finally have proof we are married and i can officially change my name. :)

Yes, im an "along-for-the-ride" bride, but hey at least it's fun, and I know im never alone. :)
my heart feels lighter, im gonna head back to sleep now, the Lord blesses my day each morning with the sound of the birdies singing outside my window, i have a couple hours before the coax me awake.
Good night



Lord do you see the spider crawling along the cabinet? (Yes my child)
I turned the light on so i can see him too.