It seems amazing to me that no matter how hard you try sometimes things just dont work out. Im kind of surprised that this sort of thing amazes me but low and behold it does.
It's my day off, I got up early ready to spend the day in a joyful mood and first thing the hubsters and I have a disagreement...lasted maybe five seconds because thats the way we do things....fix it, figure it, compromise, and or understand what was "really" being said and then move on as though it was no big deal (because we all know 99.9% of the time it really is no big deal), then off to a wonderfully sweet time with a dear friend, and then super looking forward to my small group that i have been trying to get to whenever im off. I get all ready, head over there, and then waited in the car for 35 minutes and then.......nothing. No one showed! Either it was cancelled, they met some where else, or they were all inside the whole time and i was just too chicken to go knock. P.s the dog scares me so i must admit i was to chicken and didnt go check.
I was really looking forward to this time and then nothing. im so frustrated.....why do some things have to be soo stinking hard. Is it to much to ask for just a little bit of fellowship around here......I really am just.....rahhh!
And here I sit knowing I have a terrible attitude because I didnt get to fellowship with other believers.....how hypocritical of me and yet im trying to be joyful about the whole situation and all of these frustrated irritated thoughts keep coming up. The number one......Lord really? Why couldnt you just let them be there, we could have talked about You and I would have gone home feeling so light hearted and happy and praise You the rest of the day! Why did you have to go and mess up my day?
Okay can you just re-read my prayer...... It was honest and awful. I didnt even realize it until i had it out but thats how I felt. I immediately had some one on one time with my Daddy and had to ask Him to forgive me, it broke my heart to be such a bratty little girl about how my day was "ruined" because I didnt get to spend time with my small group. Why am I always that way, why is it that I can have a beautiful day and then something comes up and I let it ruin everything and then I wallow around with a woe is me attitude and infect everything. I could see it now Grant would come home and I would pout and probably try to pick some kind of petty fight and then make him feel like it was his fault just to get some pity and make me feel better.
Oh GROW UP!!! I mean really, is that the kind of woman i want to be?? The kind of wife i want to be? no way.....and yet I am. Just because things dont go my way....how selfish!
It was and is a terrible humbling experience. I have been attempting to study through Loving God with all Your Mind by Elizabeth George and amazingly enough im still on chapter one because im really trying to get it through my big fat head....but she picks out Phillipians 4:8
"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."
If you travel down to verse 9 at the very end of that verse Paul says something rather earth shattering to me but he says in the KJV "and the God of Peace shall be with you"
Waaa-aa-aiitt just a minute....hold the phone. The God of Peace? I dont know about you but when i am frantically obsessing because my day was "ruined" and im secretly plotting to get some attention to make my day better my mind nor my heart are at peace. What does that say about me and how I have allowed satan to have a tiny foothold into my day. It is soo very easy as you can see by my perfect example to just throw in the towel the minute things dont work out OUR way.
But we have a Gracious and oh so Loving Father who reminds us (by occasionally ripping the rug from under us so we are lying flat on our face with no where to look but up) that He still loves us and still has a plan for us and i can promise you 100% of the time that plan is better than our own.
Now that I look back I feel so silly that not even an hour ago I was trying to plot how to get back at God, my husband, and anyone else I came into contact with today just because I didnt get to spend time worshiping. I mean i chuckle just reading that because it is just so ridiculous when you think about it (actually it's so bad you dont even have to think about it and it will make you laugh).
How often do we allow a few tiny bumps in the road, or maybe mountains in the road detour us from Praising our God no matter what. I can honestly say it affects me more than I would like to admit. However once you start thinking about just how ridiculous you begin to sound you begin to see that you have strayed from thinking about the true, honest, just, pure, and lovely things and begin to dwell on the negative, deceiving, lies that we often fall prey to. We have learned the true, honest, just, pure, and lovely things, the Word tells us that, we just have to dwell on them, commit them to memory. How vitally important it is to daily renew our minds with the things of Christ. We serve a God of Peace even in the midst of storms or silly missed small group meetings we just need to remember that.
I love that the Lord can take a mere hour to change my heart and attitude in the midst of teaching me something earth shattering that will always stick with me. Man we really do serve an AWESOME God!! I guess today I didnt need the small group i just needed the lesson that came without them.
Thank You Daddy. :)
