I was awakened this morning to these exact words "happy 7 months baby"....Seven incredible months of marriage with many ups and downs and... well....change.
That my friend has never been easy for me, i like the steady, i like the calm, i like the expected. I don't want to be thrown off balance by something i have no control over. Last week i saw a quote a friend had posted on her site. It said:
We all think we are going to be great and we feel a bit robbed when our expectations aren't met. But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still. The expected is just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.
The expected is my comfort zone. As i look back over these past few years i laugh as i recount the many un-expected things the Lord has brought into my life. My little sister had a baby, the Lord provided a way for me to go through not only one but two years of school, I fell in love....real love, i went to France, I got engaged, i became an expert on lice and swine flu (dont ask... lol), I married the man of my dreams, and now here I am in Mini Soda.
As I think back now the unexpected is what changes everything, however I think of the words of my Daddy "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness"
How incredibly beautiful, tears come to my eyes as i think about it. His grace is sufficient....He is able to do more than i could EVER ask or think....and so many times in my own mind His grace isn't enough, He didn't do it the "right" way, the Heather way.
My heart is daily changing as im living out my own adventure here, everything i thought i once knew is being challenged and it's hard. I want someone who understands, and to be honest some days i look right past the One who knows me best. And yet in the silence when im home alone, and the tears for whatever reason are falling down the One who knows me best reminds me that He is holding my tears in a bottle and that He is recording them in His book. He knows the trials I am facing, the hurts, the joys, in short He knows my heart, and i love the fact that He is molding it into what He sees fit.
I went to community life hour with Grant the other day and we ended up singing the song that says
" My Savior He can move the mountains, my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save"
Immediately I was taken back to 8 years ago when I gave my life to Christ at wol camp, of every camper I have ever seen the Lord change their life, of my campers, of victories so amazingly powerful brought about just because my God, my Savior, my Daddy can move mountains. He is so mighty to save, and many times we chalk that up to He can move other peoples mountains, and He can only bring about salvation, and He can! But He can move My mountains, your mountains, He can save me from the doubts, the hurts, the loneliness of being so far away, i sometimes forget that He can save me from everyday struggles as well.
How silly of me.
My heart....its being transformed....i wish i had the words to explain it. Sometimes i feel it so strongly as though He is picking away at the tarnished areas and i suppose He is. My Daddy is shaping me into what He wants me to be, more into the image of Christ everyday. At other times it seems as though He is gently, and carefully, reshaping me with His fingers, careful it seems because He knows at the moment I can only handle so much. What a God we serve.
I am far from the woman i want to be for my Heavenly Father but i am determined to live each day under the shadow of His wings.
I am learning so much about being a wife and though it has been hard Grant and I have grown so close just being so far away from everyone else. I remember during my second year at Word of Life during chapel one day Ric Garland played a song, i dont know what it was called, and the only words i even remember are "I want to do something so big for You." That is all I have prayed since that day, Lord I want to do something so big for You. I was challenged yet again today to serve the Lord in my present state. We are still searching for a church home, and some days I feel so dried up spiritually, I have really felt after two years of incredible ministry at wol, i no longer have a ministry to pour myself into. How wrong I am. I was reminded today that my husband right now is my greatest ministry. That I am here to be his help meet. Dont get me wrong, I never forgot that, and I daily strive to make his days easier, but am i really ministering to him on a day to day basis, is my heart one of ministering? Do i do it because thats what im supposed to do, or because i trully want to be a blessing to him, because my hearts desire is to minister? Those words were a huge challenge to this wife, and something i will be praying about. I know the little things i do make a difference to him but i want to minister to him the way he ministers to me.....i dont even know if that is making any sense but i know what i mean in my head and heart so......take it for what it's worth i suppose. lol :)
I never imagined i would be on this journey and all of it brought about because of change. I guess it's not so bad after all.
I miss you all. :)
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