I went to work today and walked away a tiny bit more different then i had expected all because of one small phone call.
Today like every day i work I am expected to make calls hoping that someone will want to set up an appt to come and get portraits done of their tiny little ones, or larger than expected ones and today I did just that. Until I called someone and hung up the phone being more shocked and speechless and heart broken than i had expected.
This is so and so from such and such, we have a special would you like to set up an appt.? Silence and then.... earth shattering sobs....."we wont be back, my baby died yesterday".......
I wasn't sure I heard correctly until I realized the sobs weren't the tiny ones like when you fall off your bike in the first grade and skin your knee in front of the older kids but the kind that rock your world from the very core of your being. The kind that make everyone around you realize your life has just changed forever and no matter how much they try to make it okay it never will be.
It was so awful......and then I realized I knew that name. I knew that baby. Not personally, but I took their photos. The one time they came in, it was me behind the camera hoping to catch a glimpse of a smile from their precious little one.
It was a call that lasted little more than a brief moment as i numbly told her im so very sorry and heard the tiny break of a mother who would never hold her precious baby again mistaking it for the click of a phone as it was being hung up. I have thought of little more since that. I still dont have the words to say but I can still see their faces, i can still hear her voice and her shattered world.
It's moments like this that I dont quite understand....and i know sometimes we aren't meant to but still it's hard. I can't imagine what that family is going through and i know this may sound selfish but i never want to know. I pray the Lord gives them the comfort they need to just survive their next moment, that He gives them the wisdom and strength to face this journey ahead. More than anything I pray He never allows me to forget the way I feel this very moment, the way I felt with the phone just grasped in my palm wishing I could say something with a little more substance, something that might make it okay, I pray He never allows me to forget the compassion and love that swelled for a complete stranger with a broken heart. That is what has always drawn me to the cross and did so once again today. Knowing that I have a Savior who understands our brokeness. Understands when we dont have the words to tell it like it is. When our words have turned into earth shattering sobs and nothing anyone says will ever make it okay again. We have a Daddy who doesn't need our words, He only wants our trust. As hard as that is it is often all we have to give.....
Lord help me to love like You......Comfort this family tonight as they face the hard road ahead. Bring someone to share You with them if they dont already know, or maybe if they have forgotten. Bless this family Lord the way only you know how, help them through this, guide their steps and help them pick up the pieces. Amen
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