Confessions of a can't get turned back around snowflake noticing bride.....

Where do I begin. Im tired, more than tired......im exhausted. It has been more than two months since I have last written and a lot has changed since then.....or maybe nothing has, i can't remember any more.

Im working two jobs and the new place is one of the hardest jobs i have ever had. But im enjoying it, most days. Then there are days like today when I just want to tell people i dont care, and there is no reason for their terrible attitude just because they can't have it their way. Im not perfect, im gonna make mistakes so back off. Why do people have to be so rude and mean anyway?

I have bitten off way to much, and now im choking down the pieces. When will I ever learn? I need a break, Im ready to go home and see my family. More than anything my time here has grown significantly lonely in the last couple of months. People are in bed when i leave in the morning and ready for bed when i get home most evenings. And if i have a spare half a day off all i want to do is relax at home and just enjoy the time i have.

I keep telling myself just three more weeks and this will all be over..... :) Something to look forward to. Im a look forward to something kind of gal. I need that. It soothes my soul, reminds me the storm wont last forever, that my Anchor is still holding.

Im afraid my Anchor is holding and the line has continued to go out and I can't seem to find where to meet it again. You know that moment when you realize you have lost something, and there is that tiny twinge of panic because you cant remember where you left it to save your life. I feel that twinge of panic daily because as hard as im trying to reach the place i walked away i can't seem to find it and im only going in circles.
How pathetic, how sad you say.......i know. How do you get so far from home and sometimes you even realize your going the wrong way and yet you feel as though you can't turn yourself around.
I think im there, in the can't get turned back around part.

No im not into anything outwardly that would make you gasp with your hand covering your mouth, but it's a heart thing. I know it, I miss my Daddy. He never moved but I can't seem to find Him. I haven't lost my way im just sorta stuck ya know.
But you know what's so amazingly incredible.....He's waiting for me. Ya know how i know....
a snowflake landed on my windshield the other day
And then there was another one, and another one, and before I knew it there were a bagillion little snowflakes covering my window.....and a single tear had formed and found it's way down from my tired eyes. They were all different. Not a single one was the same as those that had fallen before it. Every design was as intricate as though it's creator had spent countless hours perfecting it. And in that moment I looked around and realized the piles of snow were filled with tiny little snow flakes each one more precious and different than the one before it. Thats how I know He hasn't given up. Im different, im intricate, im special. And my Daddy has spent countless hours perfecting who I am to Him. Im His daughter, His baby, the one He gave everything for, the one He gave HIS life for.
He loves me, He misses me.
So please pray for me.....cause I miss Him too. I miss feeling as though He's holding my heart. Pray I would let go and allow my self to get turned back around and to take those steps back to Him, or to allow Him to pull me back to His safe harbor.
Isn't my Daddy amazing!!!
When was the last time you took a moment to realize how different and intricate you really are. It trully is a beautiful thing my precious friend. To think there are more than a billion people on this earth and each one is different and unique. Crazy huh?
And people wonder why I love the snow soo much, now I have an even better answer.....it's drawing me back home where i belong :)