Confessions of a thankful bride...

Oh man how time flies! I keep meaning to get on and update my days but I have just been down right exhausted! Ya'll are just so very patient :)

Day 8:

I am thankful for family! They are crazy and hard headed and stressful but they are mine! And I love them all so so so much!! Even though growing up in my family was and still is a struggle I am thankful the Lord has blessed me with people who love me unconditionally no matter what. We have always had our ups and downs and there is more than one reason we live a little more than a few miles away but I am so grateful the Lord has given me the family that He has. Without them I would not be where I am today and I would not be the person that I am today. I miss them desperately and can't wait to see some of them soon!!! 

I am thankful for my adopted family as well......Grant's side of the clan!! Love Love Love them. I always prayed the Lord would bless me with a husband whose family made me feel as though I have always belonged and needless to say I have the best in law family EVER! (not really sure if that is the best way to put it haha but it's all i could come up with so im sure you get it). I am so thankful for their love and support and for embracing me in spite of myself :) I miss them so much and can't wait until the Lord brings us back together, and I get a brand new sister in law!! Yea :) 

Day 9:

I am thankful for friends! For Best friends! For I haven't spoken to you in 6 months but it's still just like yesterday friends! I only have a handful of these friends but they are the friends I will sit on my porch with when we are silver haired and have countless grand babies and talk about the good ol days. They are the ladies who have held me accountable through thick and thin and who have heard all the horrible stories that have shaped me into me and still love me regardless. :)

I am thankful for the new friends the Lord is allowing me to cross paths with. I have no idea how long the Lord will allow us to fellowship and grow together but I have been so blessed by the sweet time we have had already. 

And finally I am thankful for the friends who no longer carry that title. The friends that used to retain the word  "best" before it, who were always the first to know, and who i could always count on. It breaks my heart a little to remember the times we had together and the fact that you are no longer the person I once knew. I am so overly thankful for the times we shared and the memories we made. I pray for you and I pray the Lord would bring us back together but I know the Lord has carried us apart for a reason as well. I pray you make the right decisions, I pray you will continue to grow into the person I always knew you could be, I pray you never give up and more than anything I pray you know how much I miss you. 

Day 10:

Today I am thankful for rest. I know this may seem silly with the vast array of things I have to be thankful for but I knew this morning the moment I woke up that rest is what I have to be thankful for today. As a mom I have come to live off mere hours of sleep broken by the cries of my sweet or the fear he may have stopped breathing (yes even at 9 months I still fear this), and i wont even begin to mention how many times I wake in the night to refill my cup of water because my mouth has obviously forgotten how to produce saliva. 

Rest is something that I used to take for granted, heck i never even thought about it until I became a mom. If i was tired I would sleep, simple as that. Now there is always just one more thing that needs to get done before I can sit down and put my feet up, or lay down and go to sleep at night. 

I am so thankful the Lord has continually mentioned the rest we so desperately need. I am thankful He has shown us through His word just how weary we can become when we go a million miles a minute. How precious just a few moments of quiet can be and how important it is to refresh not only our spirit but our thoughts, mind, and body as well. 

PS. An extra thankful moment for today: I am thankful for 9 months with our little munchkin! Happy 9 months Isaiah!! 

Confessions of a thankful bride....

Day 7:

I am beyond thankful that the Lord has blessed me with the opportunity to be a stay at home ball of awesome!! Trophy Wife and Supermom extraordinaire!

Baha if you know me at all you know how far from the truth that is (in fact i am such an awesome mom that I have more than once just today had to pluck out dead lady bugs from my little's mouth.....yep cant say that wins me any mom of the year awards lol) .

But on a serious note: I love hanging out with my "arrow" all day long! I want so desperately to have my actions lead him to the cross. I know that he does not understand just yet but one day he will and I pray fervently that when he looks back he will not see me but would see the cross of Christ.

Each day the way I respond when I am frustrated, tired, or just plain over whelmed is a big deal, maybe not to him but it should be to me. Am I choosing to respond to him the way Christ responds to me? When he is begging at my feet, or pulling on my clothes, or demanding my attention do I lovingly stop what I am doing and give him my undivided attention every time or do I respond in impatience?
I must admit I don't win that battle as often as I would like but what a wonderful perspective! Our Heavenly Father never ever turns away from us, His children. We as sons and daughters of the King always without fail have His undivided attention, oh what a glorious day it will be when we would desire more and more of it.

Isaiah has such a sweet spirit and it still completely overwhelms me the fact the Lord has chosen us to guide him and train him.  I am so blessed and thankful the Lord has answered this desire of my heart and allows me to spend my days with him.

I am thankful that I am able to be at home when Grant comes in from a long day at work. That I no longer have to work 60 hours a week at 2 different jobs while he sits at home alone writing papers or studying. I am thankful that I can now be the sounding board for him when has had a stressful day rather than it being the other way around.
I love being home for my boys and I understand that for so many out there being a stay at home wife and mom isn't a possibility so I truly am overly thankful to be blessed with this opportunity.

UGH!! This picture melts my heart! See what I mean about being overly blessed?! When your boys are as fantastic as mine it's hard to ever stop gushing about them lol. Thank You Daddy for allowing me to be a part of this incredible journey :)

Confessions of a thankful bride

Day 6:
I am thankful that only the Lord who is sovereign raises up kings!

I know today isn't about choosing a king but it is about letting our voice as Americans be heard and choosing a Commander in Chief to guide our nation for the next four years.

This day has been long awaited by so many Americans and I for one am so thankful the Lord has allowed me to cast my vote. That I live in a country where i have the ability to make a change.

I have no idea how this election for president will turn out this evening, I know how my family and so many others have fervently prayed but the end result is still unknown.
I am thankful for the fact that either way my desire for Jesus to come and get His children is so much more a passion today than it was yesterday. It breaks my heart to see where our country has ended up and it saddens me even more to see so many who no longer care.
To see Christians siding with Satan because they no longer choose to be set apart in their convictions and choices.
Praise Jesus this is not my home!
Thank You Father for knowing the results of this election before the foundation of the world in which we live today. Thank you for the men who stand before us desiring our vote, and thank you for our nation. Soften hearts and grant wisdom in the polling places today.
Help us as believers to pray fervently for our leaders whom ever they may be.

And finally GO VOTE! :)

Confessions of a thankful bride

Why hello November! How in the world did you creep up so suddenly!? Nevertheless you come bearing my favorite season of them all and the promise of all things good that are to come!
Every one seems to be sharing things they are thankful for and I figured if everyone else can think of things (some down right absurd) to be thankful for then I may as well share the awesomeness that I have been blessed with! It's obviously day 5 and though I am just now sitting down to write this out my list has been banging on the doors of my heart recently.
So here I go!!

Day 1:
I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father! Because of His unconditional love for me I forever have a home with Him in glory! Not by works that I have done but because of His sacrifice for me on the cross of Calvary. Praise Jesus for the awesome realization that Christ wants me and loves me enough to never let go! thank you Daddy for my salvation!

Day 2:
I am thankful for my prince. I know every girl believes she has found a prince charming but I must confess I have found the one that makes all the others look like Gaston :) I am so in love that it I feel as though my heart couldn't possibly love this man even the tiniest bit more and then he goes and does the dishes, or wakes up with the baby, or gives me sweet forehead kisses when he thinks I am asleep and I fall that much more in love!!
Day 3:
I am thankful for our precious little munchkin man Isaiah. Hands down we really have the most adorable little guy EVER! It's crazy to think he has his own personality already and it is so humbling to see his sweet spirit shining through already! I am thankful for his morning smiles and hugs and the way he makes me feel like the funniest chick around!
Day 4:
I am thankful for broken chains!!! Praise Jesus I have been redeemed and am no longer held captive by the sin that so easily binds us. I have been blessed to be married to a man who reminds me that I have been called out and set apart from the ties that have broken my spirit my whole life. I no longer have to cower in defeat from the lies of satan.
Day 5:
I am thankful for a wonderful church family that we really can call our own! A church that has taken us under their wings and cared for us in time of need when they really knew nothing other than we were the new couple. Thank you Daddy for instilling in your children the call to love like You.

There is so much more to come!!!
I am excited to share just a few of the many many things I have to be thankful for this month and the many ways the Lord has blessed our tiny family!

Confessions of a mothering bride....

So this one time I was extremely lame about keeping up with my blog....oh wait...

As you can see it's been about an eternity (okay a year but who is really counting?) since I have blogged and I blame that completely on the fact that I was growing a human, working 60 hours a week at two different stressful jobs, i birthed a human, i was completely surprised by the fact that you could love something soo tiny soooo much, my husband was graduating with a bachelor's degree, we were moving from Minnesota to North Carolina, we were setting up home, and I was being a mommy!

Well that caught ya up in about three minutes....how did i never find time to blog that before...who knows?
A few pictures of the a fore mentioned journey :)

me about to pop!

Our little womb dweller finally joined us Feb. 10 at 11:19 am at 6# 11 oz 19.5 in

We spent time with family (momma and papa Z)

We have been busy setting up home while my munchkin is growing up! (not the most recent picture)

Now onto the mothering.....
I am the girl who never realized how much she was born to be a mother until she heard the tiny "whoosh, whoosh" on the doctor's little heart beat picker upper.  Friend's tried to express to me the awesomeness of being someone's mommy but let me just say....it truly pales in comparison to the moment when you see your tiny little womb dweller for the first time looking directly into your eyes knowing he (or she) is the one you have been hosting for the last nine months. And giiirrrlll do not let me forget to mention the first time I saw my husband Grant holding Isaiah....picture this:

Arriving at the hospital Thursday evening to get induced feeling all excited and nervous, feeling some discomfort but don't we all at the end. They get me all set up and wired in and leave me for the night telling me to get some rest. Seriously... I swear these nurses have never prepared themselves for a momentous occasion such as MEETING A MINIATURE HUMAN YOU HAVE BEEN GROWING  FOR 9 MONTHS!! Anyway of course I didn't get a wink of sleep, Grant of course was snoring away on the awesome recliner haha. At about 6 am my Dr comes in and checks me, and they begin the pitocin. I start having contractions, and we occasionally lose Isaiah's heart rate (we thought it was just because i couldn't get my big self comfy). At 9:15 a nurse comes to check on me and reads the paperwork that has been tirelessly printing out since the evening before....and then she calls in another nurse....and then another. And then they tell me to sit down (I had been standing up, rocking back and forth to stay comfy), and then to lay down, and then roll to this side, oh now roll to the other side. At this point I look to Grant and realize a couple more nurses had come into the room in the midst of all the rolling and situating. All of them staring at the tiny little print out that apparently holds the secret to the universe, or maybe just the fact that my wee one wasn't doing so well. At 9:45 a nurse calls for my Dr, at 10:00 our Dr tells us there is no longer any chance of me going home or to deliver Isaiah naturally, at 10:15 after checking his heart rate they decide we need to have an emergency C-section. During all of this my emotional state has diminished to me being the massive pregnant chick crying uncontrollably. Grant only has enough time to text my mom "heart rate not good, taking baby now" and they send him to get ready for surgery. There I am bawling all alone in a room full of nurses asking where my husband is and terrified for my baby, when the Lord sends an angel....well she was really the anesthesiologist but she sat on the edge of my bed, held my hand, and explained everything to me. She never left my side the entire time. At 11:19 our little love bug joined us.
They never discovered why his heart rate had plummeted so low for so long but he was here and he was perfect. An hour in recovery and they wheeled me to my new little family, as they opened the door I promise you it was as if I was in the most romantic movie EVER! You know how the guy always shows up to some dramatic music and the girl looks over and he slowly raises his head and it just makes you melt a tiny bit? well the postpartum version looks like this: Nurse slowly opens the door as I sit there in my fancy wheelchair a mess from being drugged and stapled back together, and I look up to see the most incredibly handsome man in my universe standing there holding the tiniest little bundle I have ever seen and he looks up (or down respectively) with his eyes full of love and just smiles.....I have never been more in love than in that moment and I will never forget it.
I had to share the whole story for you to get the whole "Im so in love i ache when i think about it" effect. haha

Anyway back to the mothering:

I am pretty sure the word mother is actually a shortened term for "let me show you just how selfish you truly are and remind you of it everyday". I am learning soo much and the Lord is breaking and humbling me daily. I love it, even though it is hard.  I for some reason thought moving and having a little one would be so different and I have been sorely disappointed to discover that there are moments that are so lonely I am sure the rest of humanity has ceased to exist.
And then there are the moments that your little one is crying and one glance at you makes it all okay, the moments your little one smiles at you just because he thinks your the funniest chick in the whole world, and the moment he hears your voice and crawls straight for you, or would rather climb and play with you than all his other "cooler" toys, the moments when you go get him in the morning and he snuggles his tiny face in your shoulder and wraps his little arms around your neck, the moments when he just wants to sit on the couch next to you, when he looks up at you while he nurses or rests his little palm on your chest. Now those are the moments no one can prepare you for....
I love everything about being Isaiah's mommy!
I am the mother that has struggled with feeling adequate enough. With knowing when to feed him baby food, or to wait a little longer, with why he is spitting up everywhere even though he has medicine, why he keeps waking up in the middle of the night screaming when he used to sleep wonderfully, if he will have any sense left by the time he is one because he is already a dare devil, and a million other things that cross my mind every day.
I am the mother whose heart aches thinking about her little one growing up and leaving home one day
I am the mother who holds her tiny baby for hours while he naps just because one day I know he will no longer need one
I am the mother who holds his tiny hand because I know one day some other girl will hold his heart
I am the mother that steals a million kisses a day because I know how precious my time with him is
I am the mother that tries to sneak him into bed in the morning just for a little snuggle time
I am the mother that still looks at him and tears up because the Lord has entrusted him to me.

Me....when there are a million other women out there probably more qualified to raise a little guy...but the Lord chose me (and you if your a mommy). He has given me the second greatest responsibility (second only to loving and completing my husband) of raising a child. It boggles my mind but I pray every day that the Lord would teach me how to love Isaiah as my son (more than I already do), to give me wisdom when I don't understand his needs, give me strength when I am exhausted, give me grace when I have responded to quickly, and give me comfort when I feel as though I have reached my end. I pray for the words to say when he begins to ask questions, I pray for my actions in front of him that they would never be misguided or lead him astray, I pray for his future and his future mate.
 But more than anything I pray for his salvation, that he would come to know our Heavenly Father early and that he would grow to love and serve Him more every day. I pray that the life I lead before him will always be one that leads him to the Father.

Being a mother is so much more than anyone could ever have prepared me for.....and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I love it and I cherish every moment with my boys, even the hard ones. I am so blessed the Lord has called me to be a mothering bride and I pray our Daddy continues to bless our journey as a family and my heart as a mother.